We'll talk more about this, but this essay is a beautiful start:
http://www.onbeing.org/blog/memoirs-of-a-griever/8000
Make your comments on the essay and/or find other material & info about grief and grieving.
One thing that is important for grieving is that we make time for ourselves to grieve. It does not matter how long it takes. It is hard to create a new foundation after losing a loved one, especially a parent. The memories of our loved ones are what help a griever survive so that they can keep retelling the funny moments of that person's life.
Some of my favorite lines in "Memoirs of a Griever":
We deal with life’s “fixable” problems helps to set us up for life’s great unfixables.
We can perhaps deduce that the event of death can only be soothed with time, with gentleness, with the growth of new life.
Another thing that is important for grieving is understanding that people take different amounts of time to grieve. Like Marissa said it does not matter how long it takes, but there are people within the world who doesn't understand how some people only take a week while others take years. Sometimes the people who take longer to grieve haven't taken the time to accept that their loved one is gone so they are just holding on to the memories and feeling they felt when they were with them so it takes them longer. For the people who don't take long to grieve, I believe that they have accepted and acknowledge what has happen, but also realize that they still need to go on with there daily lives and therefore it doesn't look like they are still holding onto a death that has happened and they cannot change.
There are many healthy ways to deal with grief, but the person who is grieving has to be willing to want to deal with what has happened. This like is a way for people to help to cope with grief and loss.
Grieving is a unique process for every individual, and some grieving processes take longer than others. It’s amazing to think that when someone close to us dies it doesn’t matter what hardships existed before the death, we now focus on the good qualities our love one offered the world. My mom always says that any hard feelings must be solved, because if someone dies then we have to live with that guilt of being angry. When I have grieved over a close relative it was nice to reflect on his life and all his accomplishments. The author of this article reflected on how alike he and his dad were, and that brought him so much joy. I think it helps us to think of our loved one as living on in life in one way or another. This can happen through family members, close friendships, accomplishments made in their lives. There are different forms of grieving that can be healthy or unhealthy. It is important in the end that we all grieve, so we can settle our feelings about our deceased loved ones, and to continue seeing the positivity that our loved one brought to the world.
I totally agree that different forms and amounts of time can be healthy or unhealthy when it comes to grieving. I think it sometimes might be easy to judge a situation, but like you said, everyone grieves differently. I remember when a friend's parent died in grade school, people years later asked her why she wasn't "over it by now" and why certain things would still make her upset. And then there was another girl whose mother died, and no one even remembered because she never seemed to grieve. I remember people being judgmental of her because it didn't seem like she cared. People just need to appreciate that some take a short amount of time (in the latter case, she had been dying of cancer and my friend was more prepared than in the first case when the mother died suddenly), and others take a long time to come to terms with death. I know the kids that didn't understand were in grade school, but I know others who judge people for getting remarried so soon after their spouse dies. There's no way you could know what that person is going through because every person, and therefore every death, is different.
I completely agree that grieving is very unique to individuals and the length of the grieving process varies for each person. Dealing with the guilt of unsolved issues after a loved one has passed makes the grieving process so much harder because you don't have that peace of mind. A big part of the grieving process is giving yourself enough time to grieve. Accepting the death of your loved one is a big step in the healing process. At some point you can start talking about the loved one and share the memories that you have of them. Remembering your loved one and telling others the impact they had on your life can really have a positive effect with the grieving.
Grief can come in all different forms and at any point in life. There are still times when I cry about my great-grandma and she has been dead for 10 years. Grief isn't something you get over, you just get through it. But it's alright to be sad sometimes. We just have to remember that life will go on and that we can't live our lives wallowing in grief. If remembering the times when your loved ones died makes you sad, then don't think of those times, think of the wonderful and fun times you had with them. Sometimes remembering those times is just like being with them again.
One thing that is important for grieving is that we make time for ourselves to grieve. It does not matter how long it takes. It is hard to create a new foundation after losing a loved one, especially a parent. The memories of our loved ones are what help a griever survive so that they can keep retelling the funny moments of that person's life.
ReplyDeleteSome of my favorite lines in "Memoirs of a Griever":
We deal with life’s “fixable” problems helps to set us up for life’s great unfixables.
We can perhaps deduce that the event of death can only be soothed with time, with gentleness, with the growth of new life.
Another thing that is important for grieving is understanding that people take different amounts of time to grieve. Like Marissa said it does not matter how long it takes, but there are people within the world who doesn't understand how some people only take a week while others take years. Sometimes the people who take longer to grieve haven't taken the time to accept that their loved one is gone so they are just holding on to the memories and feeling they felt when they were with them so it takes them longer. For the people who don't take long to grieve, I believe that they have accepted and acknowledge what has happen, but also realize that they still need to go on with there daily lives and therefore it doesn't look like they are still holding onto a death that has happened and they cannot change.
ReplyDeleteThere are many healthy ways to deal with grief, but the person who is grieving has to be willing to want to deal with what has happened. This like is a way for people to help to cope with grief and loss.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
Grieving is a unique process for every individual, and some grieving processes take longer than others. It’s amazing to think that when someone close to us dies it doesn’t matter what hardships existed before the death, we now focus on the good qualities our love one offered the world. My mom always says that any hard feelings must be solved, because if someone dies then we have to live with that guilt of being angry. When I have grieved over a close relative it was nice to reflect on his life and all his accomplishments. The author of this article reflected on how alike he and his dad were, and that brought him so much joy. I think it helps us to think of our loved one as living on in life in one way or another. This can happen through family members, close friendships, accomplishments made in their lives. There are different forms of grieving that can be healthy or unhealthy. It is important in the end that we all grieve, so we can settle our feelings about our deceased loved ones, and to continue seeing the positivity that our loved one brought to the world.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that different forms and amounts of time can be healthy or unhealthy when it comes to grieving. I think it sometimes might be easy to judge a situation, but like you said, everyone grieves differently. I remember when a friend's parent died in grade school, people years later asked her why she wasn't "over it by now" and why certain things would still make her upset. And then there was another girl whose mother died, and no one even remembered because she never seemed to grieve. I remember people being judgmental of her because it didn't seem like she cared. People just need to appreciate that some take a short amount of time (in the latter case, she had been dying of cancer and my friend was more prepared than in the first case when the mother died suddenly), and others take a long time to come to terms with death. I know the kids that didn't understand were in grade school, but I know others who judge people for getting remarried so soon after their spouse dies. There's no way you could know what that person is going through because every person, and therefore every death, is different.
DeleteI completely agree that grieving is very unique to individuals and the length of the grieving process varies for each person. Dealing with the guilt of unsolved issues after a loved one has passed makes the grieving process so much harder because you don't have that peace of mind. A big part of the grieving process is giving yourself enough time to grieve. Accepting the death of your loved one is a big step in the healing process. At some point you can start talking about the loved one and share the memories that you have of them. Remembering your loved one and telling others the impact they had on your life can really have a positive effect with the grieving.
DeleteGrief can come in all different forms and at any point in life. There are still times when I cry about my great-grandma and she has been dead for 10 years. Grief isn't something you get over, you just get through it. But it's alright to be sad sometimes. We just have to remember that life will go on and that we can't live our lives wallowing in grief. If remembering the times when your loved ones died makes you sad, then don't think of those times, think of the wonderful and fun times you had with them. Sometimes remembering those times is just like being with them again.
ReplyDelete